In Other Words

Dictionary: There are 615,000 words in the English Dictionary and yet only one of them is spelt correctly. Great Britain has the finest educational establishments and the most renowned libraries and independent press in the world. We have produced some of the finest poets, writers, scholars, scientists, soldiers and humanitarians to have walked on this earth. We single high-handedly kick-started the Industrial Revolution, television and the Internet. And yet Great Britain also has the best viewing figures for Big Brother on the planet... Discuss!

• Anarchy
No rules, OK?

• Alternative Medicine
Trick or treatment.

• Affordable Housing
Why would you build anything else?

• Apple Sauce
Baby food that socially acceptable for adults to eat.

• Anger
Drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.

• Alphabet Soup
Technically. If you were illiterate, then would alphabet soup just be noodles?

• Abortion
The world’s longest massacre.

• Bees
Nature’s 3D printers.

• Burrito
Sleeping bags for ground beef.

• Brownie
Like an espresso of cake.

• Blood Test
Red alert.

• Bond Movies
Great Britain is threatened with annihilation and the Government sends in one man to sort it out.

• Brexit
Conscious uncoupling.

• Big Ben
Will take four years to restore, which is twice as long as it took to build. You do wonder what’s really going on here?

• Ballet Dancers
Are well disciplined. They need to be kept on their toes.

• Blame Culture
Anybody who watches daytime television knows, where there's blame there's a claim.

• Chuka Umunna
Almost alone in thinking that he’s a potential future leader of the Labour Party.

• Cyberattack
Geeks on the front line.

• Cider Attack
Throwing a bottle of Merrydown at your computer.

• Consultants
Come in and tell you how to eat your own sandwich.

• Chumocracy
Tony Blair advertises for the best ‘wo/man for the job’, but ends up giving it to his flat mate.

• Councils
Are suspicious of their residents (people who pay their wages). They spy on them, they fine them and they threaten them with criminal records.

• Diamonds are Forever
They don’t deteriorate.

• Déjà View
Christmas television.

• Double dip Recession
Greece reduces it’s exports of hummus and taramasalata.

• Euro
Beyond salvation.

• Emoticons
This generation’s hieroglyphics.

• Father Christmas:
Fake news.

• Fussy Eaters
Never happens in poor countries.

• Farmers Markets
Food with provenance.

• Fishermen
The last gathers of food from
the wild.

• Genetically Modified Foods.
Dining with the devil.

• Global Warming
Humanity skating on thin ice.

• GM Farming
The root of all evil!

• Goldman Sachs
Are ‘the have and have-yachts’.

• Homophobia
People who are scared of their own house.

• Ice FishTheir bodies are full of anti-freeze.

• Intelligent Design?
Putting a waste processing plane next to a recreation area and gets away with it.

• Internet
A godsend to banks, as it allows the customers to do the work of their staff.

• Jack the Ripper
England’s first serial killer.

• North Korea
Kim Jong-un claims to have developed a missile that can make it to New York. And let’s face it ‘if it can make it there, it can make it anywhere!’

• Kids Today
Will build homes in space and live on the moon, but will never be able to afford one in England.

• L.A.
Hell, hey?

• MuckDonalds and Cola-Cola
The food of choice for Olympic athletes. Really?

• Liberals
Use state power, so that they can talk dirty to children.

• McDonalds
Ever time you have one as a kid, it’s a victory. Every time you have one as an adult it’s a defeat.

• Mirror
Arguably the most photographed object in the world.

• New Ideas
Everything is always created twice: first in the mind and then in reality.

• Overseas Aid
Allows tin pot dictators to buy fighter planes, tanks and warships, whilst we have to sell ours because we have no money. Go figure.

• Prime Minister of England
Lives in a little house down a cul-de-sac.

• Potholes
Used by Wandsworth Borough Councils as an effect traffic-calming measure and alternative to ‘speed humps’.

• Page 2 of Google
Best place to hide a body.

• Police Record
Walking on the Moon.

• Passport
A document meant for external identity and border control, now used to access internal things like NHS treatment, get a bank account, or a job.

• Pizza
Eaten from the inside out.

• Prosecco

• Quangos
Bizzy body organisations that take £million bribe to do the governments bidding.

• Role Models
For the record, fornicating footballers, thriving politicians, greedy bankers, WAGs, drug dealers and pop stars are not role models.

• Recycled Toilet Paper
What's all that about?

• Remote Consultation
The robodoctor will see you now.

• Resentment
Drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.

• Scone or Scon?
It’s a scone until you have eaten it, then it’s scon.

• Spitfire
Ply in the sky.

• Shamrock
Fake Irish stone.

• Speed Cameras
ATM machines for the council.

• Spanish Inquisition
Tough love for heretics!

• Starbucks
Didn’t pay a bean in UK tax on sales of £1.2 billion (in three years), they make a mockery out of our taxman.

• Social Drugs
It’s a medically fact that they lead to psychotic breakdowns, bipolar disorders, paranoia, depression
and anxiety in later life, (buy now pay later).

• Severance Pay
Rewarding people for failure.

• Tomatoes
Vegetable style grapes.

• Twitter
Like owning a newspaper, but without the losses.

• he Houses of Parliament
The boys in the bubble.

• The House of Lords
£300-a-day home for the elderly.

• Transgenda ‘equality’
Gives men the rights to use ladies toilets and changing rooms by identifying themselves as a woman.

• Tattoos
Like putting a bumper sticker on a Ferrari.

• Transparency
A political buzzword, for what we used to call the truth.

• Tax on Smoking
That should make them cough up.

• Tortured Liberal
People who claim victimhood by association.

• Tap Water
Treated sewage.

• Trees
lungs of the planet.

• Ten Commandments
Are NOT supposed to be multiple choice.

• Trinity
Buy into Two, get One free.

• Ufologists
People who wear the same T-shirt for five days in a row.

• Universities
Sell courses for jobs that don't exist.

• UberEats
Have a McDonalds burger delivered to your door and hasten your premature death from obesity without ever leaving home.

• Victorian Plumbing Manuals:
Approved the use of lead piping for drinking water.

• Victoria Climbie
The benchmark for child cruelty and social services incompetence, (lessons will be learned). Superseded by the Baby P scandal (lessons will be learned). Superseded by . . . the list will go on.

• Vacuum
The person who gives everyone a piece of his or her mind ends up with a vacuum.

• Vegetarians
Don't eat anything that once had a face on it.

• Vision
The art of seeing the invisible.

• Wind Power
Making a fat profit out of thin air

• Water
Is the great leveler.

• Writers
Live hand to mouth.

• Working Class
Have television sets, bigger than their bookcases.

• Western Aid
Taking money from poor people in rich countries and giving it to rich people in poor countries.

• Worship
Without worship we go about in misery.

• Waffles
Pancakes with abs.

• Woolly Thinkers
People who say I am ‘spiritual’ but not ‘religious’. What does that mean?

• X nihilo (out of nothing)
The Bank of England printing £200 billion, in a strategy called Quantitative Easing, to soak up government debt.

• Yoga
Sitting around doing nothing is one thing, but sitting around doing nothing on a fancy mat is quite another.

• Yogurt
A dairy based drink that's gone off.

• You
Set your own limits.

• You
Only you can be you. You are unique.

• Zachary Jackson Levon Furnish John
Daddy’s boy.

Plus 3,000 more.

In Other Words: NEW WORD

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Then please feel free to submit your word and playful definition and if it's deemed suitable, then we will include it in our forthcoming alternative dictionary for the 22nd Century.

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